How'm supposed to know if you're high if you won't let me touch you?

I think The Hold Steady said to themselves “How do we up the stakes from being a totally kickass band of kickassery to being rock gods?” What they did was cut a track about hooking up in Memphis venue bathrooms [Apparently they’ve never been in a Memphis venue bathroom, ewww. – JD] with Ben Nichols singing backing vocals on the chorus. No, REALLY. I didn't make that up in a haze of bourbon and weed late on Sunday night after ingesting vast amounts of fried chicken and corn pudding.

The Hold Steady - Stay Positive

Boys and Girls in America is on constant rotation in Casa la HCT. I've mentioned it before, but they are the band that gets the most curious queries of “who's this band?” by drive by weirdos who flutter through the living room (there are a lot of weirdos in the living room on a constant basis). The Hold Steady is pretty much the band I would invent for myself if I was in an actual band. They write songs about being drunk fuck ups whose girlfriends have serious drug problems and name drop Kerouac and William Blake. The fact they are real makes the world a better place.

This band is one of the few that are universally loved by all the HCT ladies. The endorsement is hardcore. GO BUY THEIR RECORDS. [No, really. Drop whatever the hell you’re doing, grab the keys and get thee to a record store. Repay us in drinks later. – JD]

So, a review. I love this record and will listen to it on repeat interspersed with Midtown for the foreseeable future. Sadly, you can't buy it until July 15th, because the world is a sucking void of suckitude, but let me tell you what you're missing!

I listen to my iPod on random, so I miss album construction. If you care about things like that, why are you even reading this? You're too old skool for me. [Back in the day, we had to listen to BOTH sides of a record. There was flipping and everything. – JD]

Let's start with “Slapped Actress” since my iPod just did. The song name drops Ybor City. This was where, on first listen, I just gave up and decided I wanted to blow this record. I'm a native Floridian and love random Florida references in things because that makes everything all about ME. [Ybor where? – JD] [Dude, I hyperlinked it, are you that lazy? CLICK. ~Mimi] Did you eyeball the name of the song? I mean, what about that title doesn't make you want to at least download it and give it a listen? The outro is also this strange a capella WHOA-OH WHOA-OH chorus. Delightful in all ways.

The album overall isn't as frenetic as Boys and Girls In America, but the title track is a beautiful, upbeat ode to living the life (the rock and roll one) and youth culture in the scene from the perspective of an aging hipster. Yeah, being a scene nanny can get old, so thank you for writing an anthem of encouragement for those of us who tend towards misanthropy and cynicism, The Hold Steady. It's like you wrote that just for us.

“Two Crosses” is sort of this band summed up in one song. There's random intellectual garbage “baby, let's transverberate.” Look it up and reflect on the fact this song is a long extended metaphor about Jesus and Peter and an examination of religion from a jaded sort of “blah, this is important, but whatever, I'm hung over” sort of cynical detachment. Yes, I told you this is the band I would make myself! I wasn't being hyperbolic.

I am surfing the internet so you don't have to, and it appears some over the top fans have made a The Hold Steady wiki . Hours of random fun. *clicks the tattoo entry*

“Sequestered in Memphis” not only is about drunken hook ups in venue bathrooms with Ben Nichols on backing vocals (still not over that!!!), but it also has hand-clapping. And a really great use of dual audio where a fuzzy guitar plays in the left speaker and a sharp little riff plays over it at .35. Way to rock the fuck out, dudes!

And if all this wasn't enough, there's a song called “One For the Cutters” [That doesn’t stop being funny. – JD] on this record. I can't tell if this is an intentional mocking of emos, but I will assume it's totally intentional. You know about the Mexican emo riots, right? I find the world endlessly surprising and baffling. Zoot suit riot, omg wtf idek! Since I sort of totally dress like that this is self-mockery, no worries.

So, should you buy this album? I think it's pretty clear I think you should. You should buy the record and join us at Avalon [Where you will buy us all those thankyou drinks. – JD] when they come through LA in July (no Nashville date, boohoo! What the hell? Maybe Cric should call them.) Also buy Boys and Girls In America if you don't have it and do yourself a favor, too cool to be cool hipster. I know all your friends love this band — something can still be cool if everyone knows about it.